By chance, I brushed a special video on the Internet.
A baby who looks more than one year old, stumbles after his mother, cries heartbreaking and hugs her mother’s thigh for hugging, and blurs out: “I want it too, I want it too!”!
The mother is holding a baby who is only a few months old. She dodges carefully while coaxing the baby in her arms.
The netizens said after reading it, the eldest brother is too poor. Please squat down and give her a hug!
Mom explained: at that time, he just coaxed the crying Er Bao to sleep. He was afraid that he would wake up again if he put it down. He wanted to put it down again when he fell asleep. The back of his hand and back of his hand were all meat. Sometimes when he faced two crying children, he could only bear the pain and let Da Bao suffer the grievance.
In life, this phenomenon is not uncommon. Many second born mothers understand that they have had similar experiences.
After the birth of two treasures, they often have no skills. When they meet two people crying together, most of them care about this and can’t balance that. The sensible treasure is naturally ignored by their mother.
But by parents neglect big treasure, like that hugs mother thigh crying child, can only bear the grievance and the sad alone!
Some people exposed Dabao’s abnormal behavior on the Internet:
See holding brother to coax sleep, he also want to coax to coax sleep;
When he saw his brother drinking milk with a bottle, he also wanted to be wrapped up and lying in his parents’ arms;
When I saw my sister playing with his toys, my eyes were full of “murderous spirit” and my parents sold my sister.
Looking at these funny behaviors, many people laugh out the pig cry, and behind the abnormal behaviors of Dabao people, there are many grievances and heartache.
In every second child family, Dabao, forced to be sensible, pretends to be strong, but their hearts have already shed countless tears.
After giving birth to a second child, we all owe Dabao a hug.
Parents’ partiality will make children hate each other
One time, the two sons of Hu Ke, Anji, had a fierce conflict with little fish. They wrestled with each other for a toy, and Anji pinched his brother severely.
When Hu Ke saw it, he blurted out to his brother and said, “don’t hit him again. When he grows up, you can’t beat him.”
At that time, the elder brother paused for a few seconds, walked behind him silently, and shouted to his younger brother fiercely, “I’m so miserable now, it’s all your fault!”
Hu Ke felt very worried after listening, because she saw her brother’s expression, it was not a joke.
The child’s desire for love is the most direct. No matter how old he is, he still needs company and love, from parents’ affirmation to a hug.
Research by British child behavior psychologists shows that even one-year-old children can be hostile to other children at home, and they will feel threatened.
Dabao’s hostility and sensitivity came from his once exclusive love, which was deprived by his brother and sister who suddenly came.
If parents prefer their younger brother in dealing with conflicts, Dabao’s mind will come up with the idea that no matter what I did wrong or what my younger brother did wrong, my parents will blame me.
Once this kind of psychology appears, the elder brother may have the revenge “psychology” to the younger brother.
If parents don’t pay attention to it, in the long run, the relationship between the two treasures will become more and more alienated and even resent each other.
Children’s abnormality just wants adults’ attention
According to a study conducted by the University of California, 65% of mothers and 70% of fathers have an unconscious preference for a child.
No matter Dabao or Erbao, their fight and jealousy just want more and more complete love from their parents.
Zhihu has been asked what kind of abnormal behavior the eldest brother has after he has given birth to the second child.
Someone shared the story of having a second child:
Every time when holding the second child, the eldest brother lets his younger sister put down and hold himself. If he doesn’t, he will cry loudly;
When my sister wants to sleep with milk, he will make all kinds of noises all the time, which is very aggressive like “I haven’t slept yet, what are you flustered about”;
Become glass heart, especially sticky, can not move to cry, the number of crying in a day more than the previous month.
The arrival of the two treasures gives Dabao a “sense of crisis”, and her father and mother are no longer alone.
So while Dabao is clever and sensible, he often makes unreasonable moves.
Hu Ke said that once the little fish wet the floor, Hu Ke turned around to clean up, Angie also said to pee, so he ran to the bathroom door and peed on the ground.
The younger brother stepped on the urine and fell severely, and the back of his head fell into a big bag.
Hu Ke asked Angie angrily: why do you pee on the ground? You just want to make trouble on purpose!
Angie said shyly under Hu Ke’s repeated questioning: I think it’s cute!
After hearing Anji’s absurd answer, Hu Ke was shocked. A four-year-old child, in order to please his mother, hoped that his parents would love him as before, and would not hesitate to learn from his brother to pee on the ground.
Rolling all over the place, asking mom to hold and wet the bed. Behind the sudden return of Dabao to their original state, they protested to mom and Dad: I am also a baby!
If parents scold them at this time, it will aggravate their children’s feelings of losing love and not being seen.
Psychologist Alfred Adler said: behind the children’s competition, they are actually trying to get the attention of adults.
Children’s abnormal behavior, in fact, is calling to parents: Mom and Dad, please look at me, I also need love!
Parents should have a reputation
“You’re big. Let your sister.”
“He’s a brother. Why are you so ignorant and rob him?”
In second-born families, such words are often inadvertently said by parents.
How to deal with the problem between two children in a balanced way, parents must have a steelyard in mind.
1. Pay more attention to Dabao
Once saw such a video, since had two treasures, has not been hugged by the parents for a long time big treasure, wrongly lies in the father’s bosom to collapse to cry.
For her, the hug had been waiting too long.
With the two treasures, the parents put all their attention on the small body, and Dabao, who was ignored by adults, also yearned for the hug and company of his parents.
While taking care of Er Bao, parents should also face up to Da Bao’s psychological activities and understand his emotional changes in time.
Give him some time to be alone, hold him and play coquettish, listen to his complaints, and let him feel the state of his parents’ care before.
2. Give Dabao more sense of participation
Most mothers will ask Dabao for advice when they have a second child, and let Dabao participate in the family discussion from the beginning. The sense of participation will make the child feel respected and valued, and also make him have more expectations for new family members.
Mother Sun Li talks about the second child education in Venus show.
Before she was pregnant, she had done a good job of heart building for Dabao, trying to relieve the “tension” of the boss, and her sister’s name “Xiaohua” was also chosen, which was the name of qiaohu in his favorite cartoon.
After her sister was born, Sun Li prepared a gift for her in the name of her sister. She also asked her sister to wear her brother’s old clothes and use his brother’s things.
Sun Li will let her brother try to teach everything about her sister, and her brother’s sense of participation makes him take the responsibility of her brother in her growing up, and at the same time promotes the feelings between her brother and sister.
Professor Li Meijin, an education expert, once said: the second child family should not always put the big one aside, but let him participate in it. If there is a dispute between the two people, the focus of education should be on the big rather than the small.
Give equal love to children, let the eldest participate in it, bear the responsibility of elder brothers and sisters, let him feel that he is valued, but also let the youngest feel the friendship of the eldest.
Let them become each other’s most trusted playmates when they grow up.
3. Give equal love to children
In one episode of “the young man said,” the daughter tearfully accused her father of always turning to her sister.
It is clear that sister’s mistake is first, but parents never ask for anything and scold themselves.
The father didn’t think so, but taught his daughter: “you have also learned the story of Kong Rong letting Li in school. The ancients all know that you are six years older than her. Don’t you know that?
After listening to my father’s words, my daughter’s tears surged down uncontrollably and said: “why is it her who is wrong, but I apologize?”
Dad said, “she is not sensible, and you are not sensible.”
Most of the time, parents are used to thinking that it’s natural for the eldest to let the second, and inadvertently go to the younger one.
And the children who are not favored, in addition to endless grievances, will also produce the psychology that parents don’t like him.
Only by giving equal love and respect to children can we promote harmonious brotherhood. The two children depend on each other and care for each other, which is the original intention of parents to have a second child.
Lawrence Cohen, an American psychologist, compares children’s need for care to their parents to the need for a cup: each child holds his own cup, hoping that his parents will be full of security and love.
The child’s heart is very easy to satisfy, you give him a hug when he is willful lost, enough to fill his cup.
Every child is the most beautiful angel in parents’ hearts, and also the best gift from heaven. We should also tell the eldest brother with our actions:
Mom and dad’s love, will not be less because of the arrival of younger brother or sister!