Recently, there is a piece of news that makes people worried.
A 10-year-old girl in Jiangxi Province climbed out of the balcony fence to jump off a building.
How can you commit suicide at a young age?
From her mother crying and persuading, the girl felt that her mother was biased towards her sister and didn’t love herself, so she did a dangerous act in anger.
Although the little girl’s behavior is too extreme, who knows how many grievances are hidden in her heart?
Some netizens felt the same:
“I still am, everything is my sister, I am nothing in my parents’ mind, it’s really hard.”
Zhihu has a topic: do you think your parents love you?
“When I was a child, I always felt that my parents didn’t love me. I either denied or criticized me. When I grew up, I found that they loved me. They saved money to buy me delicious food and always worried about whether I was good or not.”
No parent does not love their children, but not every child can feel their parents’ love.
Especially in families with two children, parents expect their children to support and accompany each other when they grow up. However, they will ignore the inharmonious factors brought to the whole family by jealousy and hatred caused by intimate feelings in the process of growing up and extending to adulthood.
Bi Shumin said: parents all over the world, if you love their children, they must let them start to love you and the people around them when they can. This is not the selfishness of adults, but the foresight for children’s life.
Children are born to love each other because of their blood ties, but how long this love lasts depends entirely on the attitude of their parents.
Children who are not favored can learn to love.
The children who are hurt by partiality are all butterflies with broken wings
The film “Folding Wing Butterfly” tells a tragedy.
At first, Carmen loved her daughter Amy very much. Amy liked painting. Carmen would buy her expensive painting tools.
Later, Carmen gave birth to a son, and from then on, she gave him all her attention.
She only saw her son hungry to drink milk, but not her daughter’s bruised forehead.
Amy wanted to stay with her mother for a while, but every time she held her brother, she was impatient: “go away, I’m busy!”
Once, my mother mistakenly thought that Amy had hurt her brother and hit her in anger.
Amy was silent day by day, always staring at her brother.
If there was no younger brother, would my mother love me as much as before?
Finally one day, while her parents did not get up, she smothered her brother with a cushion.
Not every sister will choose such a radical way, but those days left out will stay in their hearts forever.
“From a very young age, I have a clear feeling that my mother is partial to my brother,” Chen said in the multiple choice program
In middle school, my mother bought three pairs of fashionable pants for my brother.
She also broke her pants and wanted to buy a new one, but her mother just helped her mend it. The patch was so obvious that she felt embarrassed to wear those pants.
There are many such things, until today, every time she recalled, she could not help crying, her voice was full of grievances and cold.
Freud said: if the trauma of childhood is not cured, then your psychological age will be fixed at a certain stage of childhood.
Children who grew up in eccentric families have always been buried in their hearts and become scars of their lives.
Childhood pain, a lifetime remember clearly.
A bowl of water is not smooth at all
A study by the University of California, Davis, found that 65 percent of mothers and 70 percent of fathers admitted that they preferred a particular child.
South Korean drama “please answer 1988” in Deshan’s family, there are two drumsticks, which will be given to her sister and younger brother. Because her birthday is very close to her, Deshan has never eaten a cake of her own.
Until a time when Deshan was wronged and cried: “why do I always have a birthday with my elder sister? Why don’t you give me chicken drumsticks every time? I don’t have my share of fried eggs every time…”
The questioning of Deshan finally made her parents realize that they ignored her at ordinary times. They also love Deshan very much. However, mother paid more attention to her older daughter with excellent performance, and her father preferred a son who was similar to him.
Dad bought a new cake, found Deshan on the street and apologized to her: “Dad is also the first time to be a father.”
Psychologists believe that the reason why some parents show more indulgence to their children may be because these children are naturally more pleasant.
Their personality is more in line with their parents’ preferences. If their identity or behavior meets their parents’ expectations, their parents will subconsciously identify with them and show more concern and preference.
At the same time, parents will be more concerned about the disadvantaged side.
“Cherry ball” has an episode, small pill is very envious of those children with nosebleed, she specially asked, how to let their nosebleed.
According to others, xiaowanzi is picking his nose and wrestling.
But why does she have nosebleed?
In fact, because sister apricot was not in good health when she was a child, she always had nosebleed.
Whenever this time, mom and dad will be around the apricot, usually more concerned about the body of apricot, ignored the small ball.
When a child in the family is younger or in poor health, parents tend to focus more on the disadvantaged side and ignore the other.
But in the heart of the child, it will be a long time of neglect.
They either seek attention by crying nonsense and become wayward. Or use silence to avoid to suppress emotions, pretend to be clever and sensible.
The child’s heart will not lie, it will only clearly record the feelings of its parents.
Put every love into your life
Cornell University research found that: children, whether they are preferred or ignored, often feel the parental bias.
Fairness is a relative concept. Different people have different ways to measure it.
Rather than deliberately pursuing equality, it is better to resolve conflicts in a different way.
1. Treat them differently and give them different identities
Dr. ginot said: every child becomes strong when it is only cherished.
Zhihu has a mother to share her ideas:
My younger brother is young and always needs to be accompanied. I take care of my younger brother more in my daily life.
But every time I go home, the first thing I do is hug my daughter, and I often chat with my daughter.
To the elder sister said: to humble love younger brother, to younger brother said: to respect elder sister, listen to elder sister’s words.
From material to spiritual, to meet their different needs, pay attention to the feelings of each child.
Let them feel that their mother is different to them, and this is different, not biased, because everyone is unique.
2. Trust Dabao. In fact, he loves Xiaobao very much
There is one issue of “the battle of parenting”
When Zhiyan was playing with his younger brother, he fell down accidentally and burst into tears.
Mother saw, while coax younger brother while accusing of inflammation: “watch him fall, no good intention.”
Zhiyan said he didn’t hate his younger brother at first, but later he was annoyed when he saw him.
Experts suggest mother: give him more trust and let him get along with his brother alone.
Development psychologists found that the second child will affect the development of the first child’s sense of responsibility.
In the process of accompanying and helping his mother take care of Xiaobao, Dabao will cultivate a stronger sense of responsibility.
There is a natural affection between the hands and feet. What parents need to do is to maintain this feeling and let it grow stronger with age.
3. Refuse other people’s jokes about children’s bad taste
I saw a video: the second child is about to give birth. Because she is afraid of losing her daughter, her mother bought a bag of candy and told the girl that this is a gift from her future brother, who loves you very much.
Compared with the mother’s way of speaking, there are always many relatives and friends who like to scare their children
“If you have a brother, your mother won’t want you.”
“After that, my brother took all your things.”
In the eyes of adults with bad taste, it is just a joke, but it has hidden dangers in children’s hearts, which makes them resist and hostile to the two treasures that they have not met yet.
4. Take care of the couple together to create a loving family atmosphere
Every time friends and sisters go out to play, either the mother takes the daughter, the father holds the son, or the father protects the daughter and the mother takes care of the son.
No matter how it is matched, it ensures that every child is noticed.
At home, the husband often helps, and the husband and wife take care of their two children in turn.
So full of attention and care, how can children feel left out?
What parents prefer is not how much they love, but their attention and attitude towards their children.
Every child deserves careful care.
Just like the movie “cattle class spring” said: every heart needs love, need to be gentle, need to understand. Every child comes from a pure and innocent place and should always be a treasure cherished by the world.
Parents’ love is the strongest support for children. When they have a bright heart, they will not be afraid of the darkness in the future.
May every child not be favored and loved.