A mother’s doubts:

I am a second-born mother, two children in our family, age difference is not big, usually feeling very good. But they often have toy fights and make a lot of noise. Whenever I look at the poor eyes of the second child, I have an impulse to let the elder brother give toys to him, but I feel that it is unfair to the elder brother. What should I do?

Editorial Analysis:

In fact, the mother’s troubles are not confined to the second-child family. Even if a child is raised, when he plays with other children, there will be disputes over sliding, seesaw and building blocks. It can be said that this is the lesson that every child must learn in his interaction with others.

The traditional idea is that through the active intervention of adults, children can take turns to play and exchange games, so as to teach children to learn to share and make friends.

However, according to more and more scientific experiments, children like to interact with others through constant trial and trial, thus achieving the goal of understanding the different ideas of both sides.

Therefore, when facing the competition between children, parents should try their best to give their children more chances to try while ensuring their safety. Perhaps children can solve problems successfully with solutions that even adults can’t imagine, such as playing with other toys together or playing half by themselves.

Even children, in the process of struggle, appear to quarrel, fight, these seemingly simple and rough behavior, but also they use their own small head, cultivate the ability to solve problems.

Adults can ask their children how they feel afterwards and guide them to deal with similar situations the next time they encounter them.

There is a three-child mother who is a master in dealing with disputes between children.

Three children, fighting for toys is a common practice. She usually looks on coldly and tries not to interfere. It’s just after the fact that we should guide carefully. She would ask the child who had not grabbed the toy, “How did it feel to not play with the toy”, “Was it very angry?” “Why was it angry?” It not only soothed the child, but also helped him to alleviate his discontent.

After guiding the child to explain the cause of the crying, she will then ask the children to think differently and answer from each other’s standpoint, “Why doesn’t he let you play with toys”, “Why don’t you let the other play with toys?” Never underestimate the child’s empathy. More times of guidance, it will become more and more mature, which is the key to high EQ.

When everyone’s mood is calmed down, the smart mother will further guide the children to discuss: What can we do in the future to make everyone feel better?

Guide them to take the initiative to talk to each other and do something to make everyone feel better.

For example, guide the child to express his feelings correctly, let him learn to say “I don’t like your way”, “Next time we can take turns to play”, “You can play with my van, I want to play with your small plane”. Of course, for children, it is impossible to learn at one time. They need to be tireless and guided many times.

Dr. Zhang Yiyun, an expert in children’s EQ education, said: “EQ is more important than IQ for children’s growth. The ability to handle one’s own emotions, to understand others, and to make friends are all important skills.

If you are smart, you should learn to let go and give your children more chances to grow up in trial and error.~


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