Recalling a video that I saw two days ago, I interviewed some foreign children and asked them, “Did Mom say anything excessive?” The children’s answers were basically “Yes”, and there was a high degree of similarity in the words they retelled, either “stupid”, “shut up” or even more abusive.
Mothers and fathers love their children all the time, but sometimes, for some reasons, such as anxiety, worry, hatred of iron, anger and so on, they may blurt out some words. These words seem inadvertent, seemingly will not have an impact on children, but it will really bury in the heart of ta, TA will cause trouble and harm.
Parents should think twice before they say these 12 sentences.
1. Shut up!
Children begin to have their own ideas and thoughts at a certain time, when they encounter doubtful things, they will always express their views, or talk back, which is always easy to make people angry.
Nevertheless, don’t say “Shut up” even if it’s too hot. It’s a word that everyone dislikes, and so does children. If they blurt out these words often, they may end up not trusting you and not willing to say more to you.
2. Have the ability to cry all the time, see when you cry!
If a child is crying all the time, it will really upset his parents, let him cry for a few minutes at most, but even so, don’t say the above words. It is easy for them to feel helpless and frightened. They may even cry until they have forgotten the reason of crying, but they are still sad.
When TA is crying all the time, the best way is to tell her that her mother knows you are sad and grieving, then give her a warm hug, and finally give her a reason. Accompaniment is very important.
3. Why can’t you do anything well?
Imagine if someone said this to you, how do you feel? Are you full of frustration and self-denial? The same is true for your children! ____________
It takes time for everything to be touched and mastered, and if you say such a sentence, it is easy for them to lose the courage to try, and progress will naturally slow down.
4. What are you afraid of? Be bold!
Believe me, this sentence is really nonsense! To say it to a person who is afraid of it can not make him feel better. In addition, this sentence denies the child’s feelings, which is equivalent to ignoring the existence of TA (if you don’t believe it, recall the comfort of friends, in many cases this is the case).
The right thing to do is to ask TA what he’s afraid of and then actually solve his problems.
5. Big Man Husband, As for it?
It’s easy for children to suppress the emotion they want to express and eventually become a person who can’t express themselves by saying such a sentence.
6. This is not what you should do!
In addition, some parents will emphasize that “what is a boy/girl’s job?” It’s good to pour cold water on a child when he is exploring something of interest. Can’t a boy be a dancer? Can’t a girl be an athlete?
7. Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?
In the past, whether we live or study, we will encounter a “monster”, that is, the children of other families. But now, there are fewer children in other families. Some parents begin to compare their two children. This will invisibly create a gap between brothers and sisters.
Or, some children are less talkative, while brothers and sisters are more extroverted. Parents may say, “Your character is more introverted, your sister is more extroverted”. Have you ever thought that in this way, children may go all the way to the end on the road of introversion or extroversion, and identify themselves as such? (This is labeling!)
8. Such is the consequence of disobedience!
When you warn your child not to do something, what will happen, and finally he does it, you may blurt out this sentence. For example, when you warn TA not to run, he will fall, and he will fall. If you keep emphasizing this in the future, TA may lose many opportunities to experience growth.
9. You’re better at XX
Maybe you think your child was cuter and more obedient when you were young. Maybe you think the baby is too naughty now, but don’t always use this phrase to express your thoughts. You know, the child is growing up, TA can not stay at an early age.
Maybe you don’t think it’s a good sentence, but it really affects children’s self-confidence and makes them think they are not good enough now.
10. Don’t do it. You can’t do it well. I’ll do it for you.
This sentence is often heard and often said, for example, the child is tied shoes, peeling eggs, doing some handicraft and so on, you may blurt out this sentence when watching anxiously.
In fact, children have a strong learning ability, as long as given to them, they can learn, and if you have been helping them to do, then I believe you will have to say this sentence countless times! __________
11. I’m not good at math either. The kid follows me.
I’m not good at math, I’m not good at sports, my hands and feet are not in harmony, this is just a parent’s own problem. What’s the matter with children? If you always say this in front of ta, then TA will take it for granted that poor math, sports and other issues are the problems of parents.
12. In doing so, you are a bad boy, and your mother doesn’t like it!
Can you imagine the inner loss of a child when he hears “How to do this? You’re a bad boy. Mother doesn’t like you anymore”? Sometimes there must be a reason why a child does something wrong.
As parents, the first thing we have to do is to find out the reasons, and then tell them that this behavior is bad, but not bad. You should know that what you said is equivalent to telling children that parents can’t accept ta, because TA has done bad things, is a bad child!! (Sounds like there’s something wrong with the logic? So don’t say that again next time.)
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