Many parents have had such confusion. Obviously, they have made great efforts in educating their children, and their children have formed all kinds of bad habits. When a child’s performance is unsatisfactory, people often look for reasons outside. But many times, it is the parents themselves who virtually “cultivate” their children’s bad habits. (follow wechat subscription number: mother duo’s parent-child time and talk about parenting)
1. Love to lie
There is only one baby in a friend’s house. Children are usually very clever. Children rarely listen to what adults say.
But recently, Xi Xi’s mother found that her child would lie in front of adults. For example, she accidentally lost her handicrafts in the kindergarten. When she came home, she told her mother that the teacher had been hung on the wall; At the sports meeting, their group was clearly not the first, but when they came home, they told their mother that they had won the first.
Xi Xi’s mother did not dare to expose Xi Xi’s lies directly. First, she was afraid that Xi Xi’s father would be very angry, and second, she was afraid that Xi Xi Xi was too sensitive. So I don’t know what to do now!
After the child is 3 years old, the basic right and wrong judgment ability begins to develop. When they find themselves doing something wrong, they instinctively fear the punishment that will follow. Therefore, in order to avoid punishment, they will fabricate lies to cover up their mistakes.
In addition, some parents have high requirements for their children. When their children perform well, they will be particularly happy and willing to meet all their children’s requests. In this way, it is also easy to cultivate their children’s habit of lying.
Whenever a child makes a mistake, his parents “punish him severely”; Whenever children perform well, parents “reward” them. Under this educational model, children will sum up their “way of survival” and lie in order to avoid punishment or please their parents.
In fact, children dare not tell the truth because the environment is not loose enough. “Heavy punishment” and “heavy reward” are double-edged swords, which are likely to have a negative impact on children’s growth.
2. No opinion
Xiao Wei’s mother is very depressed. Why does the child always run behind others when playing games? The child does what others say. If someone bullies him, Xiao Wei doesn’t dare to resist. In addition to “complaining”, he never dare to say “no”. Why are children so indecisive?
Children don’t have the opportunity to make their own decisions. Over time, they will have no ideas. If parents make decisions for their children in their daily life and are used to denying their children’s thoughts and feelings, in the long run, children will be afraid to put forward their own ideas, let alone lead other children in small groups and say “no” to strong children.
Even their most trusted parents don’t give them a chance to speak. Why can children believe that others will listen to their own voice?
If you want to change this, you might as well let children make decisions on some things, such as what kind of toys to choose, what clothes to wear and what books to read. Give children full trust and believe that children can be competent for what they are required to do at that age, so that children can have the confidence to make their own decisions and make their own voice in the group.
3. Don’t understand others
Qingqing is a headstrong and domineering little princess. She only considers herself, not others. The day before yesterday, I was tired of playing in the park. I had to ask my mother to come back with her back. My mother told Qingqing, “recently, my mother sprained her foot. Is it good for Qingqing to walk home by herself?” unexpectedly, Qingqing sat on the ground and cried. My mother was very upset.
Loving children is the instinct of parents, but many people do not intend to turn this love into “unequal doting” — treat children as treasures, hold them in their hands for fear of falling, and hold them in their mouth for fear of melting; Out of the door, the whole family waited around; As long as it is what the child wants, even if the wallet is “crying”, we should find a way to meet it.
This kind of love is very easy for children to develop a “well deserved” mentality of not understanding others.
In fact, adults will also have their own needs, and children need to “empathize” with themselves.
If you can’t meet the child, you can refuse the child’s request, or let the child reduce the goal; When you think your child can accomplish something independently, you should boldly let go and let the child try it by himself; If you are doing housework and the child can help, you can also ask the child to come and help. (follow wechat subscription number: mother duo’s parent-child time and talk about parenting)
The best parent-child relationship is equal. Under this relationship mode, children will understand to be considerate of their parents and others.