When I was young, most adults around me agreed that when educating children, we should never be soft mouthed, soft mouthed=indulgent! Therefore, most of the cousins and young partners of the same age around them grew up under the education of their parents that “scolding is love”. (Follow the WeChat subscription account: Duoma’s parent-child time, talk about parent-child parenting)

I remember when the aunt next door scolded the children every time, and her voice was loud enough to be heard for several miles. Don’t think it’s no harm to teach children like this. People who have been “scolded” in our generation are still “healthy” and have grown up

I still remember that every time my mother scolded my little friend next door, he would come to me crying and doubting whether he was “picked up by my mother”.

Some time ago, I talked with her about my childhood experience. She said that she would never scold her children like this, because they also have self-respect!

Many people think that “scolding” is “education”. “scolding” can make children remember long. In fact, children who grow up in an environment of blame, abuse and rejection need to spend a lot of psychological energy to repair their injuries.

When other children are full of energy to explore the world, the injured child may still hide in the corner and think about a question, “Did my mother pick it up?”

In the following eight sentences, have you ever said them to your children under certain circumstances?

1. There is a kind of comparison called “look at other people’s children…”

This harsh remark has been criticized by many netizens. I believe most mothers know its disadvantages. None of us want to hear people saying “other people’s wives” and “other people’s husbands” in our ears

Therefore, please do not mention “other people’s children” in front of children!

Every child is unique. Don’t look at other people’s children so well! There are also many bright spots on our children that other children do not have. Why do we automatically block them?

2. There is a kind of regret, “or I will give birth to you…”

“I don’t need to be so angry if I have you”, “I don’t know how comfortable I am now if I have you”… This sentence is also five stars in killing children! He will think that his parents are not living well because of himself, or even doubt the necessity of his existence, or ignore his own feelings, completely catering to his parents.

Like rebellious children, children without self are all because they have not been valued by their parents.

3. There is a threat called “Cry again, I will not want you!”

When adults threaten children with “cry again, I won’t let you go”, some children will cry more severely because of fear, and some children may immediately restrain their behavior, because they are worried that their parents really don’t want them!

In fact, children cry, mostly because some needs have not been met, which is not so terrible. On the contrary, the lack of security will have a profound impact on his growth.

4. There is a strong voice that says, “You are born to me, you must listen to me!”

Some parents are more powerful and like to limit their children in everything. They think that “you are born to me, you must listen to me!” In fact, children are also independent individuals, not accessories of parents!

As long as he speaks, the child must obey. This kind of education method can easily make children form a “weak mentality”. No matter in any environment, they are submissive and dare not express their own ideas. Then don’t fret “How can children be so unpromising!”

5. There is a kind of modesty called: “Where? Where?”

When someone praises their children, many parents will “modestly” say “Where? Where?” If they are not good at affirming their children, why deny others’ praise?

Many parents will sensitively think that if they admit that they have performed well in front of their children, their children will be proud! In fact, it is precisely because we have never positively affirmed children that children can not stand up in the face of “praise”.

6. There is a prophecy: “Nothing like you can do!”

The child is hard to control and disobedient. When parents are angry, they say, “Nothing like you can do!”

Parents who think their children are “unpromising” and parents who believe their children are “excellent” will raise children with different personalities!

Parents’ predictions to their children are very important, and sometimes even very effective. Many children will realize their parents’ original “predictions” as scheduled after they become adults.

7. There is a punishment: “Let’s see how skinny you are!”

There is an old saying that “people teach children before others”, which means that when children make mistakes, they should teach them a lesson in front of everyone, make them embarrassed in front of everyone, so that they can remember their own mistakes and never make similar mistakes again.

Parents “brainwashed” by this view have never considered their children’s feelings! I have also seen parents who blame their children in public. The scolded child is dejected and wants to find a hole in the ground. This kind of education has no effect except to make children feel no self-esteem.

8. There is a kind of “bastard logic” called: What self-esteem does a child have?

From the formation of “self-consciousness”, children begin to gradually understand what is called “self-esteem”. Even the little one who is just starting to walk, if you say a word to him that makes him unhappy, he will resist. (Follow the WeChat subscription account: Duoma’s parent-child time, talk about parent-child parenting)

Don’t think that children are small, and we can “override” them with adults’ sense of superiority at will. Self esteem can be strong or weak. If it is too strong, it becomes vanity, and if it is too weak, it becomes inferiority. Only parents who know how to attach importance to their children’s self-esteem can give their children the safest and unconditional love!


Comments are closed.