"What should I do? My child is very shy and doesn't like to play with other children in the park!"
"My family is also very timid, and he is not willing to ask people. Sometimes people ask him not to, and to be honest I am very worried."
"My daughter is very sensitive. Other children will cry when they touch her. Now everyone doesn't like to play with her, so depressed!"
It is not unreasonable to hear that my mother is worried about the socialization of my child. The early social performance of the child is closely related to the child's future growth. (Follow the WeChat public number: Do mom and child time to talk about childcare)
In general, the child's early social performance is related to the child's natural temperament, but more is influenced by the family. To develop your child's social skills, you must first understand the developmental characteristics of your child's social skills.
Before 1 year old: Favorite family, no friends concept
The child before the age of 1 has no concept of friends for the time being, but the companionship needs for the family are very strong. As long as the family is not around, they will be loud and crying until the family appears. The little guy immediately moves from the “storm mode” to “ Sunny mode", change is faster than anything.
1-2 years old: "撩一撩" peers of the same age
After the age of 1 year, I began to have social clues, but the concept of friends is still not strong. Just staying in the face after seeing the face, I will see the state of "squeaky", and I will never miss it if I don't meet. At this time, the child's social still focuses on family members, but most of the children already have the ability to play alone, as long as the family is next to them, even if they don't play, they won't cry.
2-3 years old: I like to play with small groups.
Children at this stage, seeing their peers of the same age, will show their willingness to get close, start interacting, conduct simple communication, exchange toys, and like to imitate each other's behavior, but still play with themselves.
Seeing this, you may come to a conclusion: Oh! Children don't need friends before they are 3 years old!
That's wrong! This stage is precisely the bud of the baby's early social skills, and the family's behavior at this time has an important impact on the child's future social skills. So how do you develop your child's social skills at this stage?
1. Give your child a full sense of security
Mom is the child's first friend, followed by other members of the family. The timely response, touch, kiss, etc. of the mother, father, and grandparents can give the child a full sense of security. This sense of security can make children feel good, confident, not afraid to explore the outside world, more willing to get close to others and build good relationships.
2, learn to solve the problem yourself
I have written an article "It is no exaggeration to say that children can learn to do housework when they are one and a half years old". The article mentions that children can learn to throw their own diapers when they start at the age of one and a half. Similarly, taking a child to the supermarket to shop can encourage the child to hand over the money to the cashier; the child likes the toy of the partner, and can encourage the child to ask for it or exchange it with a toy.
When children learn to solve problems themselves, they increase the interaction with people around them, which is conducive to the development of children's social skills.
3, not too much intervention in the conflict between children
In general, most children enter the sharing phase before and after the age of three. Therefore, the most common conflict between children before the age of 3 and their peers is “grab the toy”. At this time, you don't have to rush to interfere with your child's previous conflicts. You don't have to "face out" for your child. Help your child get back their toys. Just give them a little guidance and let the children take turns playing.
Excessive intervention will only allow the child to rely on the family to solve the conflict, and he will be overwhelmed. Over time, he will form a frustration and fear socializing.
4, the combination of solitary games and cooperative games
Children before the age of 3 are mainly based on their own games, but at this time they have shown some prosocial behavior. Parents can guide children and other children to play some cooperative games, such as hiding cats, rolling balls, rowing and so on. Through the game, let the children learn to communicate and interact with their peers of the same age.
5. Create more social conditions for your child.
If parents rarely go out and do not like to deal with people, children are likely to be affected. Therefore, if you want to develop your child's social skills, Mom and Dad can let the children reach the children of the same age. For example, in the evening, they can take the baby to the garden for a walk and meet their peers. On weekends, bring the children to the friends with children. Overcome your child's "social sensitivity" and stimulate your child's social interest.
In addition to the points mentioned above, we also need to reflect on our daily behavior and remove the underlying factors that are not conducive to the development of children's social skills:
1. Everything goes along with the child
Many friends around me made up their minds before they gave birth to a baby. Don't go along with the children. However, after giving birth to a baby, it has become such a hemp. As long as the child is crying, immediately meet the child's requirements. Over time, children and adults will always cry with their faces, and their expressions will always be wronged.
It is unfavorable for the child to develop his own character and ability training. If the child is crying in front of his little friend, or crying when he encounters a conflict, he will find a mother to solve it… In this case, the boat of friendship says it will turn over.
2, excessive protection of children
There are two kinds of mothers who overprotect their children. One is to fear that their children will be bullied by other children, and they will give them all the best. This kind of mother does not say other children, even other parents will see it away; the other is that the child is playing with the sand and is afraid of soiling the hand. The child crawls on the ground and is afraid of being infected with bacteria, often limiting the activities of the child. Over time, children will not be able to fight before they participate in all the games, let alone into the circle of friends. (Follow the WeChat public number: Do mom and child time to talk about childcare)
3. Label the child with "shy"
Children dare to contact people outside the family, this part of the power comes from the mother. "My child is very shy", "My child does not like to talk", and posting such a label on a child is undoubtedly a negative score for the child's social ability.
No child is born to be a "social family", and every child is shy and cheerful. Don't blame your encouragement and support. With such power, children can take the first step in socializing.
[Duo Ma's words]
When the mother is in the middle, she is basically on standby. But when the child starts to know how to make friends, he likes to play with other children, telling you that the opportunity to gasp is coming. Don't think that children are small, and it's not important to develop social skills. When you really start to worry, it may be too late.