When I was together with my little sisters, I often heard people complain about their “big pig hoof”. The sisters’ Tucao points can not be separated from their father’s belief that mothers do not have to go to work and bring their children home easily. I don’t feel that way myself, so it’s a little hard to understand. But careful observation found that the mother who sent out such grooves has one thing in common: after having a baby, both mother and father sleep in separate rooms.
Speaking of “sleeping in separate rooms”, mother has endless bitterness. Clearly, the main purpose of separate beds was to reduce the influence of babies on father’s sleep, but as a result, a “time bomb” was planted on family conflicts. But if we can go back to the time when we choose to sleep in separate rooms or have sexual intercourse, many mothers still choose to sleep in separate rooms for the following reasons.
1. Fear of tired Dad
After the birth of the baby, the mother has not recovered, but also to take care of the child, certainly not so soon back to the workplace. However, the family expenditure has increased, as the backbone of the family – Dad, can only work harder. Dad worked so hard for his family that he must have enough and good sleep that night to cope with the next day’s work. Mother worries that baby’s crying and eating at night will affect father’s sleep. She takes the initiative to divide the room and take care of all the baby’s big and small affairs.
2. Mental stress
Some young ladies and sisters said that at first three of them had sex and sleep, but the baby cried and drank night milk at night, so that neither husband nor wife slept well, and even often quarreled about it. The relationship between husband and wife was tense, so the mother thought that it might be better to sleep in separate rooms, which might alleviate the relationship between husband and wife.
3. Pressure from my mother-in-law
There are dads who volunteer to take care of their babies with their mothers. But the mother-in-law felt that it was too hard for her son to bring his children back after he was tired from work, so she might as well help him. In order to facilitate mother-in-law to take care of the baby at night, the mother can only choose to sleep in separate rooms.
Various reasons for sleeping in separate rooms sound reasonable, but over time, problems emerge.
1. Influencing couples’emotions
Because Dad and Mom sleep in separate rooms for a long time, naturally do not know how hard it is for the mother to take care of the children, so he can not understand why the wife has become so indifferent and tired. Mom goes around the baby. Maybe she comes down one night and says nothing more than 10 words to Dad. This will naturally alienate the relationship between husband and wife.
2. Not conducive to the cultivation of father’s sense of responsibility
The sense of responsibility does not mean that there is a sense of responsibility. Dad goes to work during the day and sleeps in separate rooms at night. He does not know how hard it is for his mother to take the baby, so he mistakenly thinks that taking the baby is easy and comfortable. If we have sex and sleep, although the husband and wife will argue, but the father will feel the difficulty of taking a baby, more distressed and cherish his wife, will also have a more sense of responsibility and family mission.
3. Mother is too tired
Mothers sleep with their babies and breast-feed frequently at night. Mother slowly mastered the skills while she was taking the baby, but the father who was sleeping in the apartment hardly knew anything about it. Even when he saw the baby crying, he was helpless. Babies can’t do without their mothers, who have lost all their private time and space.
Dad is busy, and he still has time to take care of the baby every night. Some things are not obligatory to the mother, from the birth of the baby, the father and mother should negotiate the allocation of time and tasks to take care of the baby. Give dads the opportunity to be close to their babies, and avoid situations where mothers take care of their babies by themselves.
Of course, it’s not that bedroom-sharing is the direct cause of bad relationship between husband and wife. After all, there are advantages and disadvantages of bedroom-sharing or sexual intercourse. The key lies in the division of family tasks between father and mother, as well as the sense of responsibility and mission to the family. And a good family needs parents to work hard together to manage it.